This holiday season I had most everything wrapped early. It was neat and tidy under the trees. However despite this gleeful task being completed while burning the early morning oil several days I still felt so very anxious and unsettled. Daily I tackled a to-do list that wasn’t much shorter when I finished than when I began because the tasks only grew in details. Daily I resolved to take care of me and not get overwhelmed. However life happened and next thing I knew it was December 15 and I was singing “Happy Birthday” to my eleven-year-old.
So here’s some clarity that I’ve only discovered this week. Our family has truly tried to continue working on balance. We are much better. Yet today as I discovered that I again dropped the ball on a mundane task that required little brain power I found myself beating myself up. Losing sight on the delightful and quiet Christmas we had enjoyed. Losing my hold on the fact that we were together without drama. Dropping the ball on the fact that I am human despite my best efforts and sometimes I just need to breathe.
So back to the clarity part. My life, my brain, my car, my make-up drawer, my closet, my jewelry box, my pantry, and my laundry room are too cluttered. I have made a huge Goodwill run, donated four bags of clothes to a local charity, stressed my husband to the max with trash bags of stuff and purged tons. Truth is I’m nowhere close to done! The other reality is this isn’t my first rodeo. I have decluttered my life more times than I can count of the nonsense yet I still can’t seem to get a strong handle on keeping it that way! Tonight I got rid of free t-shirts I never took out of the package. HONESTLY! I found four Christmas presents I pre-bought and stuffed away only to forget them.
Most importantly I’ve laughed and cried a little as I’ve located sweet notes from my boys, unique jewelry my dad purchased for me and I love I just forgot about! I’ve found books I started and never finished and to-do lists of tasks never completed. I found the key chain my husband bought for me on my sweet sixteen and the locket he purchased the year after that for Christmas. I’ve tossed out-of-date jeans that were to big and a few that were to small. Right now as I type I’m feeling a bit calmer and significantly more content in my own skin. The why of that resolution is pretty obvious, I’ve cleared a physical path and the emotional path is falling right in behind it. So I will not buy another craft project until I complete ten of the ones I’ve started! I will not but another pair of pants until I’m down another size. I am 100% sure I do not need another pair of black shoes, or a purse, of any kind. My scarf obsession must soon cease and my contentment in my space must increase.
My little treasure hunt has given me a new wardrobe of shoes, jewelry, and sweaters. It’s also helped me refocus on my priorities. I’ve made some new lists but they are bucket lists. My tasks are still important I have to focus better in 2018 on making the most of my time at work, the gym, study, and most importantly in my home. In the meantime, I also need to quit beating myself up and turn the steering wheel a little more toward the center. The only thing normal about life is that it’s quickly and frequently new.
This holiday season I had most everything wrapped early. It was neat and tidy under the trees. However despite this gleeful task being completed while burning the early morning oil several days I still felt so very anxious and unsettled. Daily I tackled a to-do list that wasn’t much shorter when I finished than when I began because the tasks only grew in details. Daily I resolved to take care of me and not get overwhelmed. However life happened and next thing I knew it was December 15 and I was singing “Happy Birthday” to my eleven-year-old.
Beth's New Normal 
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